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Monday, August 22, 2011

Man=Chaos

Why do men always seem to come with some degree of chaos?  The girls and I can be sitting perfectly peacefully at the table doing a lesson in the most organized fashion and having a good time and their dad can walk into the room and the energy completely changes.  I have no idea how or why but for some reason when Tyler gets home it is time to horse around and play.  And its not just kids either mind you.  Animals are affected by the male presence as well.  I can remember when our Doberman, Khan, was a puppy and I would be at home working with him and the same thing would happen.  Tyler would enter the room and all of a sudden manners went out the window and it was time to play.  What is this phenomenon?

The funny part about it is that when he is playing with the girls it is like he is a kid too.  You know how when one child annoys another they tend to shout out “mommy, so and so did such and such to me!”  Well, the hubs is no exception.  He is fine playing and wrestling around for a while but when things get out of hand, and they tend to pretty quickly most days, it is “Shazana, can you help me get them to stop?” or “Shazana, how do you make them listen?”  Or better yet is my favorite “do you let them act like this all day?”  Oh dear, it looks like I have 3 kids now doesn’t it??

Friday, August 12, 2011

The TerribleTwo's? or it is The Terrible Three's?

As much as I hate to say it there was a time when I did not like my baby.  I always loved her but I just went through a phase (thankfully it was just a phase) when I just could not relate to her and it seemed that her primary purpose in life was to make sure I was in constant hell.  My husband said that our oldest did the same thing but that I just could not remember.  It is certainly possible as my memory is not at all what it once was but nonetheless I was at a loss.  I used to pray for God to shield my poor baby from my frustrations toward her.  Do you get the picture?  It was pretty bad.

I am writing this to tell you that this phase started when she turned 2.5 and I now know it ended at 3.5.  It is a phase and it does end!  I promise.  Whew!  What a long year that was!  I seriously thought at times that I just had a bad kid.  She would look for things to do to annoy me and then she would relentlessly repeat the action until I would be in search of a window to jump out of.  But the conclusion has been delightful.  Inara and I got out of this phase in our lives unscathed and better for it.  I now see the wonderful, kind, sensitive, loving and disciplined little lady that I looked for for 12 long months.  She is our pride and joy and the cutest little thing ever!

This is for all you parents out there going through the same thing.  You are not a bad person.  The way you feel is natural and I have been there too.  And even if the timing of your child is different form mine your baby is not a bad kid.  It is just a phase so hang in there!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Ants in My Hair Make Me Cry

They really do. As you probably know we were gone for the entire month of July. I did not publicize this as much while we were away because believe it or not everyone who reads this blog does not love me. I know it is hard to believe but it is true. Some people (and I know who you are) who read my blog actually do so because they believe in the old cliché “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” So, in the interest of keeping my beloved home safe I kept it as quiet as possible. But anyway, we are home now and of course, just like this time last year, we have ants! Effing little black, annoying ants. The kind that you kinda just have to fight a day at a time all the while praying that this day is the last.

This bout with ants has shaken me to the core. Ok, maybe I am being a bit dramatic but they have really messed with me this time. I am even dreaming about them! In my dreams, which are really nightmares, they are getting into my beautiful cakes and breads and ravenously tearing them apart until all that is left is a pile of crumbs! And if that is not bad enough remember last year when I found an ant in my hair?! Well, guess what. I found an ant in my hair yesterday!!
AAAAAAHHHHHHH, HELP!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Don't Call the Police!

I went to the post office today. More often than not I go for quick things like to pick up mail that I have to sign for or drop off a piece of mail. Most of the time my trips to the post office last 30 seconds or less. Lets face it, now with on line bill pay trips to the post office are greatly reduced. I tell you this for a reason.

Today when I pulled up to the Advance post office I had both girls in the car with me and we were listening to music. The girls we so into the music and so not into the post office that they did not want to get out of the car. I am a big proponent of picking my battles. Frankly, I just do not have the energy to fight all the time. The girls were listening to music so intently that I knew if I insisted they come inside the time and energy it would take would just be too much. Well, I was parked in such a way that I could see the car from the inside of the post office, which was literally one step away from the spot where I parked. Wanna guess what I did? You got it. I let them stay in the car.

The entire time I was inside I was nervous. I kept looking outside. So much so that the woman who was helping me finally asked “you got kids in the car?” I was so surprised that she knew exactly what I was doing! I replied, “Yes, what gave it away?” She then said, “I can tell you are looking outside waiting for someone to pull up who does not have kids and call someone.” We both then laughed in complete understanding of one another. That was exactly it. I was not watching the car to make sure my girls were alright. I knew they would be or I would not have left them. I was watching them to make sure that nobody else was doing the same so that I would not get in trouble for leaving them! And just so you know, both of them are perfectly capable of getting themselves out of their seats and out of the car.

I get that you are not supposed to leave a 6 month old in the car in 90-degree weather for half a day. I am not stupid. I just did not realize that there are other mothers out there who not only do what I did but more importantly understand just where I am coming from! It is nice to know that other parents have been where you are.

Friday, August 5, 2011

35

35 was hard. It has now been exactly a month and a half and I am just now able to express what it made me feel like in a way that others can understand and hopefully benefit from. I guess that I also owe it to you to tell you that 27 was hard too…I still have no idea why and looking back it seems really silly so let’s focus on 35, shall we?

I have an awesome, awesome life. Those of you who know me personally and even many of you whose only contact with me has been through Kidding Around know that. In case you are just tuning in I quit work (my cushy and very lucrative pharmaceutical/medical device sales career) 2 years ago to stay home with my then 19 month and 3 year old daughters. Now those lovely ladies are 3.5 and 5 years old and we all feel like everyday is a vacation. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely feel overworked and under paid  but I would not have it any other way. I digress.

So, I never wanted kids. Did you know that? I don’t mean to digress again but this is totally relevant. Of course, I am absolutely in love with my girls and would have it no other way but my point is that they were not in my “master plan” of how my life was going to go. You see, I LOVED work! Outside sales in the health care industry (pharmaceutical and medical device) was my thing! I started in the industry at the ripe old age of 21 and never looked back. I was whisked away into the world of corporate American and my ultimate goal was to be queen of it. Seriously, I had my eye on the “C’s” and that was where I was headed. Fast. But then things changed…dramatically…and it all came to a screeching halt.
What happened was that I learned what “love” in the purest and most unconditional sense felt like and I wanted that feeling to be around me always. I have also always been the “stay-at-home” type stereotypically speaking. I have three younger brothers who I always loved to care for when we were little. I would brush their teeth, bathe them, feed them, pack their lunches, etc. and I loved every moment of it. Still do. Only now I have three (honestly, do you think hubbie cares for himself now that wifey stays home??) of my own that need that kind of continuous care and I give it to them with pleasure. Another digression.

Ok so, after I had Inara (my second) I was literally crying every Sunday night. And my babies never even went to day care! My mother (bless her heart) used to come over every morning to care for my girls from the time my first one was born. It wasn’t that I felt guilty for leaving them somewhere that was subpar or that they were unhappy. It was that I wanted to be their mom and was only getting to do that after hours and on the weekends. So I cried and I cried for 19 months all the while getting more and more serious about leaving my six figure, very cushy and for all practical purposes fun job. It started out as just words “I wish I did not have to go to work,” and as all the great thinkers (Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Eckert Tolle) say those words were said enough and we (my old man and me) talked about it enough that one day it just happened. I turned in my 2-week notice 2 weeks before their school started exactly two years ago now and we have never looked back. The way things have worked out is material for a whole other blog post and then some but the fact is that I left my job. Just like that. A job that I was going to make into a life for myself by climbing so far to the top of the ladder that the bottom was just a memory. Now what?

During my career in sales I was always very competitive and I rarely ever lost. If there was a goal I set my eyes on it and achieved it every time. And I was handsomely rewarded for doing so with money, praise and recognition. Now that I have been staying home for the last two years I have turned this “job” into something similar. I set goals, standards to measure myself by and then I am rewarded with either happy girls, a compliment from an outsider or nothing other than another successful day. But alas, there is no extra bonus to be paid, no trip to be won and there may even be some blame to claim. You know for the forgotten snack or water bottle or for the fact that my Andira does not like soccer since “you let her act like a baby at home so it is no wonder she only cries on the soccer field.” And so how do I make peace with now being 35 and being nowhere that I thought I would be and everywhere that I never considered? I traded my suits for sweats and my money for puke. And while I would not ever trade my life for anything else and I do not want to go back to work. I do sometimes wonder where I am. It seem that yes, I am enjoying my life and I can certainly see the benefits of my staying home for all of us but the clock is still ticking. I am getting older and all of the things I thought I would be doing at this age are none of the things I am doing now. Let alone that I am in my mid-30’s and now there is a new box to check. Sometimes I wonder, “what now?” am I done? So, I am going to raise my two girls while turning old and gray and then at the end of it all there is no “C” awaiting me? Different. From what I planned for I mean. 

So I decided very simply, eff that! I gave myself my own “C” title that day.
Chief Mother in Charge J And now I feel better.