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Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Right Time to Get Married

When is the right time to get married? I am not talking about the right time between two people. My question is about when it is the right time for a person to get married. When is someone ready? I used to think I had this all figured out but now I am not so sure.
I got married “early” by today’s standards. At the ripe old age of 23 I took off down the aisle escorted by both my parents and was placed into the arms of a man I had met only a year and a half earlier. After eight long months of dating we made the decision to take the plunge into the life of married-dom and we have never looked back. Well, maybe we have looked but we have not stepped…

My point is that looking objectively at my life and marriage one would say that this is indisputably the path of someone who will wind up a statistic. What is it now, more than 50% of marriages end where they started? I too spent time after our wedding telling people that I recommend waiting until they have reached an age closer to 30 before they decide to take their vows. My reasoning was simple. A person typically does a lot of “growing up” in the years between 25 and 30 and to me it would be easier to grow up first and then get married instead of doing what I was doing which was growing up with my husband. Makes sense right?

Now that I am older and my once young husband and I are preparing to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary my views have changed. Unless he cheats on me or goes berserk and starts abusing my girls and/or I (very extreme cases I know) our marriage will end in death. We certainly do not have a fairy tale marriage, trust me, but the fact that we came together with nothing, emotionally and financially nothing, gave us the same baseline so that where we are today is neither mine nor is it his. It is technically and figuratively ours.

The flip side to this the couple who does not get married until later. At some point after they have acquired things, both emotionally and physically, they decided to share these things, these previously acquired things, with one another. What I have seen is nothing better and in some cases there can actually be too much to share and if these people did not learn good lessons in preschool they may not know how to play well with others. So, while two people can grow up together in this case they may actually need to grow down. To undo or unzip some of their individual togetherness in order to make a shared togetherness.

So when is the right time to get married?

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