Monday, December 28, 2009

That Was "A"

Those of you who have been married or in a relationship for a period of several years or more will probably be able to relate to this best. So, you know how after some time being with the same person you start to see your relationship sort of, evolve, if you will. I guess what happens first is that the flame that comes with a new relationship starts to maybe change colors a little. Maybe even dim. Now stay with me here, I am not at all feeling gloomy about long relationships nor am I saying anything negative at all. All I mean to say is that it is almost like the relationship with your loved one changes a little, much like a toddler who grows into a preteen, teenager and then an adult are the stages of growth of your relationship. Well, although “awakenings” do occur on occasion they are certainly not of the norm so I thought I would share a something I have recently stumbled upon in hopes that you could maybe benefit or even just have a laugh!

There is a stage that maturing relationships go through where you decide you just don’t want to fight about the small stuff. Some people call it “picking your battles” but whatever you call it you have decided that some things just need to be over looked. These things are small like maybe for the last several days you have been the one taking the trash out even though your partner has continued to throw things in it proving they have noticed it was full. They have just not been helping with that chore. I am pretty sure that has happened to me a few times as I feel certain there are some of you out there reading this right now nodding your heads in agreement. This is something you may choose the overlook since if you said something about this every time it happened A. you would be fighting too much and B. you have bigger fish to fry like why he bought a $900 smoker without consulting you first. There is one problem with this. Maybe you did not say anything about this irritating behavior this time but you seem to have a large storage area for irritating events like this one and each time your partner does something you choose not to argue about you file it away in the same place when what you should be doing, what you thought you were doing, was letting it go. Now he or she has done something that warrants a scolding and upon the ensuing argument you proceed to complain about how they are inconsiderate and how you are doing all the work too; so there! These allegations that are serious to your partner prompt them to ask for examples of how this is true and at this point you can no longer even remember all of the incidences and surrounding circumstances so the argument goes south from here. Sound familiar?

We have been running into similar situations recently and have come up with something that has really been working! So now when an incident like the trash thing comes up or when my husband makes a comment in his normal sarcastic tone that hurt my feelings (after 10 years I am still not immune to getting my feelings hurt by his mid-western sarcasm) then I immediately say that was “A.” Now I am sure I don’t need to tell you what “A” stands for. This has really reduced the amount of pent up aggression that is let loose on another day. Now my husband knows what I thought he did that sucked at the time that he did it and 7 times out of 10 we wind up laughing because it words “that was ‘A’” sound so funny some times. Not to mention the fact that these words are begin enough not to spark anyone’s temper so there is not unnecessary arguing either! If I were into New Year’s resolutions this would be one. Try it!

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